THE FUTURE RULERS OF

HUMANITY

HIGGS: LORD OF THE ANTARCTIC.

 OK bitches listen up. I am now the supreme ruler of 'Antarctica', or 'Bitchland' as it is now called. You will refer to me a "Big Lord Macbitch" and no abbreviations will be acceptable. In fact, if anyone even tries to abbreviate my name, they will be fired into the sea. My authority is absolute.

As I understand the situation, all of the women in the world have been shipped over and are currently making me some pie. No women from now on will be allowed names, only bitch numbers, i.e. Bitch 1 through to bitch 2.24 billion.

The main problem as I see it is the fact that we're living on a large field of ice and snow, with no housing or shelter. Preparations are being made to nuke it, but until then, we'll just have to make the best of it. Bitches 1 through 800 million are currently building igloos as we speak, which will be ready by the year 2067.

If you obey my orders, you will find me an intolerably cruel and sick leader, if you do not follow my orders you will be fired into the sea. I'm not gonna lie to you, there will be casualties. This leads me neatly onto my next point:

My army of penguins who obey me unconditionally. These are my minions of doom.

My new laws are as follows:

I get to fire anyone who looks at me funny, kinda as if to say "Why are you always naked" into the sea.

I get to fire anyone who is unacceptably ugly into the sea.

Anyone who is over 35 dies.

My aims are:

Find somewhere to go to the bathroom.

Force feed yellow snow to people who look at me funny.

Establish an annual seal-clubbing event. The person who clubs the most wins a fabulous prize.

Set up a mystical religion revolving around spoons.

Thaw out my nipples.0