WINNIE THE DUMP GOES GRAVE ROBBING

It was a cold morning in the 100-acre wood, and Pooh's nipples were erect. It was still dark, despite the sun rising 3 hours previously due to the complete canopy cover that the trees provided. It was this fact and this fact alone that had sent Pooh insane.

"Flibble flibble" He thought to himself laughing wildly as he opened and closed his flies. He climbed out of the nest he had made the previous night under his real bed from shredded newspapers, sawdust and human hair. His fur was still stained with a white substance which pooh liked to think was dried milk, but he didn't care. Today was the big day. It was the annual church charity treasure hunt. Pooh always loved this, and took part every year.

He gathered together all of his equipment (A shovel, A club, A necklace of human eyes and a knapsack) and left the house. He found piglet (Or mother-fucker as pooh sometimes wittily referred to him) rooting through his rubbish cans. Normally pooh would have punished this with death, but because piglet was his main supplier of 'honey' he had to let him live.

"Yo beeeech" said piglet. "Why da fuck aint yo at da treasure hunt?".

"There's a treasure hunt?" Said pooh, temporarily forgetting the plot of the story.

"Yo beeeeech. Eyore is gonna be there wid his homies" said piglet. When pooh had first come to 100 acre wood fleeing the police he had posed a threat to eyore (Or E-whore as pooh sometimes chanted in front of his face), boasting a criminal record that dwarfed Eyore's and having a better command of the English language pooh had stolen nearly all of Eyore's bitches, including his mother. Pooh sometimes wondered why Eyore had made such a fuss seeing as he had plenty more and ran his own 'escort' agency, but he still declared gang war on pooh. After pooh had capped two of Eyore's main 'Bruddas' and pissed on his front lawn, eyore declared him as "Safe".

"Where is it being held this year?" Asked pooh.

"I tell you beeeech, but yo gotta let me keep dis shit" Piglet slyly said as he held up a charred pink jump suit. It once had the owners name on it, but the only letters remaining were 'obin'

"Um, yeah OK. Wasn't that yours anyway?" Piglet looked puzzled,

"Err yeah, yeah it was, its mine. Da treasure hunt be at da church beeeech"

"Right" said Pooh, and he was off.

When Pooh arrived at the church Eyore's crew was already there, but eyore himself was out of sight. Pooh walked up to Rabbit

"Hey twat, what say I fuck your flat chested mumma?" he said in a light hearted fashion. "Yeah, Innit man. Eyore's scoring dat bitch now, so you'll have to wait" said Rabbit. Just then Eyore walked out of the church. He ran his hand through his dreadlocks before putting his rasta hat back on, then his shades. He walked over to rabbit.

"Yo mumma's a good lay rabbit, go keep her warm for me while I talk to ma boy pooh" he said in a deep voice.

"But boss, she ma mumma, I can’t do dat" said rabbit.

’’I said go keep her warm bitch, wat do I pay yo for?" replied eyore.

"That gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Give the dog a bone' pooh said laughing to hard and long for a joke of that poor quality. After he calmed down pooh noticed that eyore wasn’t laughing. This annoyed pooh more then words can say. "I said, It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase give the dog a bone. A BONE." pooh said loudly.

"I hear yo bitch, keep ya fuking mouth shut until I want some hed bitch." Now pooh was mad, he had only given eyore head once, and that was because he was out of his face and thought I'd be funny.

"LAUGH AT MY FUCKING JOKE YOU FUCKED UP PEACE OF SHIT!" spat out pooh. "Wot say I don’t, and yo go down and suck?" Sneered eyore.

"This does!!" yelled pooh brandishing his seal club. Now although pooh’s remark didn’t make much sense and some of the people nearby giggled at it, the laughter soon died in there throats as pooh went at eyore. Pooh was still smashing at Eyores lifeless corpse when someone from the crowd shouted "Stop, he's already dead" Soon Pooh had turned eyore into something that resembled a pizza with toppings of 13 gold teeth and a Rasta hat.

"ANY OTHER OF YO BITCHES WANT SOME OF THIS?" Shouted Pooh. Some of the crown took a step backwards, others ran.

"Does this mean I don't have to keep my mumma warm?" Asked Rabbit, almost afraid to speak.

"You work for me now bitch. Go and keep her warm for me." Rabbit scurried off into the church. Now pooh was the undisputed godfather of the 100 acre wood. "Good. Now I can get down to what I came here for" He picked up a leaf off of the floor, and for some reason assumed that this was the map he should follow. 3 minutes later, he was at the foot of a grave which said:

"Here lies Christopher rubbing (Crossed out) Robin"

"Yeah, this looks like the place" thought Pooh as he set to work. After an hour or so's digging, he reached a small wooden box. "Yeah, this is it" He said to one of his nipples as he used the other end of his blood stained seal club to lever it open. Inside he found a jar made of a valuable metal, With an inscription:

"Here are the last remains of our darling son"

Lucky Pooh was a bear, and therefore couldn't read as he emptied the contents unceremoniously into the now empty hole, and decided he needed a dump. He squatted over the edge and let rip. He finally kicked a little more dirt into the hole and returned home victorious.